We’ve all seen the headlines. It seems as if bullying in America’s schools has become an epidemic in recent years and is only getting worse.
According to the National Center for Education Statistics, one out of every four students reports being bullied during the school year. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has found that students who experience bullying are at increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties and poor school adjustment, and that students who bully others are at an increased risk for substance abuse, academic problems and violence later in adolescence and adulthood.
But what is bullying? Licensed psychologist Suzanne Collins, who works with children and families at Little Psychological Services in Florence, wants you to learn the definition before you jump to the conclusion that your child is being bullied ““ or doing the bullying.
“Over the past couple of years, I’ve noticed that the word ‘bullying’ is becoming very commonly used,” she said. “Kids are starting to identify as victims more frequently than I’d like to see.”
Merriam-Webster defines a bully as “a blustering browbeating person, especially one habitually cruel to others who are weaker.”
Collins wants to make sure parents remember the “habitual” part.
“To me, the biggest difference is if it’s a repeated action, or if there is any kind of physical aggression,” she said. “Those are immediate indicators of bullying. If a kid turns around to your kid in class, though, and says, ‘That was a stupid question,’ that’s not necessarily bullying. A lot of times, I’m having to help parents and kids figure out if it really is a problematic situation or if it’s actually a case of the kid who is identifying as a victim needing stronger coping skills.”
Once you have all of the information and have determined that your child is a victim of bullying, Collins said, there are two important things you should tell your child to do:
- Tell the child doing the bullying to stop.
- Walk away.
“Oftentimes, kids who are bullied resort to bullying themselves, which only escalates the situation,” Collins said, “and kids who tell on the bully can be bullied even more. Using your voice, walking away and then reassessing is a great first place to start. I don’t want to see kids not speaking out, but I really want to see kids speaking up for themselves.”
If you’ve determined your child is the one doing the bullying ““ again, only after getting all of the information ““ start by offering your child support and validating his or her feelings, Collins said.
“If your child is getting frustrated, try to figure out why he or she is acting out and teach him or her to manage that frustration another way,” she said. “That does not mean that you agree with the behavior. You have to require your child to take responsibility for the behavior, but if you start out by accusing your child, he or she is just going to go on the defensive.”
The bottom line? Get to the heart of the situation ““ whether your child is the one being bullied or the one doing the bullying ““ and talk to your child about what might be prompting the behavior. Then, teach your child steps to address it.
