If licensed psychologist Suzanne Collins could offer parents of teenagers two pieces of advice when it comes to talking to their kids about technology, it would be this: Have the conversation at the outset, and respect your teens’ opinions.
Not doing those two things is what causes most parents to get off track, Collins, with Little Psychological Services in Florence, said.
“Parents need to respect that their teenager is old enough to develop his or her own opinions, and they need to have respect for those opinions,” she said. “Parents should also have a family discussion about the rules and expectations that go along with using technology before their teens have open access to it.”
Even though kids are introduced to technology ““ and are using it ““ well before they become teenagers these days, it’s when you’re giving your teenager his or her own smartphone that not setting boundaries at the beginning can become problematic, Collins said.
“If you sit down as a family at that point and say, ‘Yes, we’re giving you this iPhone, but here are the rules,’ and make your teenager sign a contract stating that he or she agrees to the rules, that will help prevent a lot of arguments later,” she said.
That doesn’t mean you still won’t have arguments, though. Teenagers are emotional beings, so, oftentimes, the most important thing a parent can remember is to not get pulled into those emotional conversations that can lead to raised voices.
“That’s when things get derailed really fast,” Collins said. “A teenager is going to raise his or her voice, talk back, whatever, but if you do it as a parent, you’re done for.”
Also, it’s vital in that initial discussion that you let your teenager know that whatever is put out into cyberworld cannot be taken back.
“A lot of parents are really nervous to bring up those kinds of conversations,” Collins said. “They think that their 12- or 13-year-old would never think about sending a nude photo and don’t want to put that thought in their head. At some point, though, the kid probably will, and if you don’t have that conversation beforehand, you’re going to be having it after, and, at that point, you won’t be able to get the photo back.”
It’s also helpful to remember that if teenagers don’t know the rules you’re setting at the beginning, it’s unfair to hold them to those expectations when the rules get broken (which they will).
