The dog days of summer are upon us and with them the annual pilgrimage of college-bound students.
And while society tends to focus on the students and the educational opportunities and challenges they will face, there’s another group that deserves attention: the parents. For parents, sending children off to college is often a fraught experience, particularly if the child is their youngest and the last one to leave the familial nest.
Empty nest syndrome isn’t a clinical diagnosis, but the sadness and loss that many parents experience when their last child leaves home is real.
“When children leave home, the plethora of emotions can be overwhelming and somewhat disabling,” says Gail Rizzo, a child and family counselor with St. Elizabeth Healthcare. “Those conflicting feelings can drain us both emotionally and physically, causing almost a depressive state.”
Empty nest syndrome can include a mix of emotions. Parents aren’t just missing their children and getting accustomed to their absence, they are feeling a shift in their roles as parents. Just as a recent retiree may struggle to adapt after leaving the workforce, empty nesters must transition to a new life phase in which their children are becoming independent adults.
While it’s natural for parents to feel a certain amount of grief during the transition, weathering the blues means recognizing and embracing the freedom an empty nest affords.
“During this new chapter parents have an opportunity to learn more about themselves and who they are and what they like to do without the responsibility of children and caretaking,” says Rizzo. “They can use this new-found freedom to reconnect with their spouse and explore new hobbies.”
What can you do to weather empty nest syndrome?
- Look for new challenges. Enroll in a class, explore a hobby or take on a new responsibility at work. Not only will they distract you from your blues, they’ll enable you to grow personally and professionally. Rizzo suggests trying one new thing each month, such as journaling about the experience or volunteering.
- Reconnect with your partner. With the kids out of the house, you can devote more time and energy to your relationship.
- Keep in touch.With today’s mobile technology keeping in touch is easier than it’s ever been. Just remember, you’ve sent your child to college to become independent. Don’t undermine your hard work and best intentions by becoming a “copter parent.”
- Seek support. Share your feelings with loved ones or with friends who may be experiencing the same emotions. If you feel depressed, talk to your doctor or a mental health provider.
Finally, keep in mind that, like the homesickness your college student may experience, the sadness and loneliness of an empty nest are most likely temporary and will get better as you adjust to your new routine.
“As much as we look at children leaving for college as a new chapter in the child’s life, it is a new chapter in the parents’ lives also,” Rizzo says. Toward that end, it’s an opportunity for both children and parents “to grow into the best version of themselves.”
