If you or someone you know has experienced the loss of an infant, St. Elizabeth Healthcare will hold its annual Infant Loss Memorial Service on Sunday, September 27, 2015. The service is designed to be meaningful for families and friends who have experienced loss. For more information on this event or if you have any questions, please call: (859) 301-2095.
No loss is easy, but the loss of an infant can come with an extra challenge: Well-meaning friends and family who don’t know what to say might make comments that can be hurtful.
“People make the comment that the loss shouldn’t be that hard to get over because you didn’t know the baby,” said Liz Youngs, St. Elizabeth Healthcare’s maternal child chaplain who serves the labor-and-delivery, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and women’s surgical units of the hospital.
Youngs helps families with the grief process, and often, she is called in to help families suffering from infant loss.
“It is a difficult experience,” she said. “It’s a hard thing for families to deal with because it’s intensely personal and not something that’s talked about in our society very much. People don’t know what to say and don’t bring it up, so families affected by infant loss will only talk about it with their closest friends usually.”
Never assume
As for the assumption that the family never knew the child ““ if a baby is born stillborn or dies shortly after birth ““ so it shouldn’t take long for the grief to resolve, Youngs said that’s just not the case.
“One of the things I tell people is that your relationship with a child starts at the moment of conception, but, really, it could be even earlier than that, when you’re imagining what your family will be like with the addition of the child,” she said.
In fact, Youngs said, you are in a relationship with the child from the moment you start planning for the child.
“You’re loving that child, caring for that child, anticipating that child, experiencing that child,” she said. “You are in a relationship. You do know the baby.”
Remembering to let others help you through this painful time is important. Whether that be a friend, family member, chaplain or support group, talking through your grief will help you feel supported and less isolated.
