When a new baby is on the way, helping your older kids understand the changes that are coming isn’t always an easy task. They can be confused, jealous or flat-out afraid that by welcoming a new baby you won’t have time for them anymore.
To help prepare your kids for a new baby, Suzanne Collins, a licensed psychologist with Little Psychological Services in Florence, said the best thing to do is talk to them early and often about the pregnancy and the new addition to your family.
“Really make it a family event,” she said.
Here are five tips Collins shared to make the transition as smooth as possible for your family:
1. Involve your older children in the pregnancy.
Collins, whose family of four recently expanded to a family of five with the birth of her new daughter, said she and her husband told their two older daughters the news of her pregnancy before anyone else, even the daughters’ grandparents.
“We let the girls tell their grandparents so they really felt like the news was theirs, as well,” she said.
Collins also recommends reading about the growth of the baby during pregnancy with your older kids or enrolling them in a Big Brother/Big Sister class at the hospital, through which they’ll be introduced to a labor-and-delivery room and taught how to hold and diaper a new baby.
2. Make any changes to sleeping arrangements in advance.
Way in advance. If you’re going to move your older kids into other rooms or into a room they’ll be sharing, make sure you do it at least two to three months before the baby’s arrival, Collins said. And try not to relate it to the baby too much.
“Say, ‘You’re such a big girl now that you get your own room,’” Collins said. “You don’t want to tie it to the baby and create jealousy.”
3. Gifts from the new baby aren’t a bad idea, especially if the older siblings are still young themselves.
Jealousy probably is going to be something of an issue once the baby arrives, so anything you can do to temper that jealousy will help you. When kids are young and aren’t as able to be involved as older kids in their mom’s pregnancy and delivery, giving them a small toy or book and telling them it’s from the new baby will help keep jealous feelings at bay.
4. Make one-on-one time for your older children a priority.
Once the new baby comes, life can turn upside down, but making sure you carve out special time with your child will help them feel like they’re still part of the family.
“In our house since the birth of our third daughter, we always keep the older girls’ bedtime routine the same,” Collins said. “So if one of us is putting the baby to bed, the other one will put the older girls to bed.”
Collins also recommends going through your older children’s baby pictures with them to help them relate to the new baby.
5. Find age-appropriate jobs for your older children.
If your kids want to be involved with the new baby, find something they can do to help, Collins said, such as holding the bottle or picking out an outfit for the baby to wear.
The two most important things to remember about preparing your kids for a new baby, Collins said, is making sure they feel involved if they want to be involved and giving them one-on-one time.
“I think more often the jealousy comes into play after the baby is born because all of the attention starts shifting,” she said.
St. Elizabeth offers a Big Brother/Big Sister class for kids ages 3 to 10 who are expecting a new brother or sister. Click the button below to register or for more information.
