Thanksgiving is holiday for giving thanks, gobbling turkey and the Macy’s parade. It’s also infamous for being a stressful family gathering, not the perfect situation for someone newly diagnosed with cancer.
Cancer is the uninvited Thanksgiving guest, one that can make things more awkward than an uncle with extreme political views or a grandpa asking everyone to pull a finger. Unlike the politico uncle or inappropriate grandpa, you can deal with this uninvited guest with a little planning. Cancer doesn’t have to ruin your Turkey Day.
A magazine, Cancer Fighters Thrive, has put together a guide to how to deal with the probing questions, emotions and physical aspects of Thanksgiving with cancer. Here are a few of their suggestions, along with tips from cancer caregivers:
Realistic expectations, escape plans
Your illness may not let you enjoy the holiday as much as you have in the past. If you have nausea from your treatment, the smells of the dinner may not be as pleasant as you remember. If you think you might have a problem, arrange to arrive later to avoid the cooking smells. Don’t load up as much as you have in the past “” but try a little of everything, otherwise it may not feel like Thanksgiving at all.
If you don’t have the energy or stamina, you may not want to stay to watch the entire Westminster dog show or head outside for a game of touch football. Arrange for a ride just in case you’ve had enough and want to head home.
You may not want to go at all, but even a little family time may be just what you need, the magazine suggests.
Be prepared for questions
As daunting as the diagnosis is for you, family members may be at an even greater disadvantage because of a lack of information. Be prepared for questions about what kind of cancer you have, your treatment and prognosis. You may want to reassure loved ones who hear the word “cancer” and immediately fear the worst. Be prepared for tears.
Some questions may feel a little awkward, though. Even well-meaning family members may go a little far with curiosity.
Go in having decided how much to share and what you plan to say. It’s okay to not answer every question. You may even decide to address the situation in a very broad way while delaying the conversation for another time, especially if there are young children around. (“I’ve got cancer, but everything will be okay. Let’s just enjoy the day.”)
The here and now
The bottom line is that holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas are special, if only for a chance to have family together. Depending on the seriousness of your condition, it may be the last time the whole family is together. Put cancer aside for the day, if you can. Enjoy conversation, love and be loved. Listen to your uncle and roll your eyes with the other sane members of the family.
But don’t ever, ever, pull grandpa’s finger.
If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with cancer and are looking for support, you can contact St. Elizabeth’s Cancer Care Center at 859-301-4000 to be connected to local support groups and other resources.
