If licensed psychologist Suzanne Collins could name one thing she wishes more parents knew about their children, it would be that parents often don’t give their kids enough credit.
“Kids have innate coping skills,” Collins, who works with children and families at Little Psychological Services in Florence, said. “Our kids are amazing and resilient and a lot of times what we don’t do as well as we should is just support them.”
As every parent knows, though, supporting our kids through tough times ““ instead of taking action and jumping to their defense ““ is hard. If no one on the playground is playing with your child, for instance, it isn’t always easy not to intervene on his or her behalf.
What to do
But the best way we can help our children through rejection, at any age, is to simply validate their feelings, Collins said.
Starting when our kids are little, we should veer away from the “helicopter parent” mentality of hovering over our children during play dates and on the playground and, instead, acknowledge how our children are feeling if they’re sad, but let them deal with situations without us (to a certain extent, of course).
“If you step in a lot when your children are little, then when they get to high school and don’t make the team, they’re not going to know how to handle it on their own,” Collins said.
Let children know that it’s OK to be sad or angry or disappointed, and that those feelings are very normal.
Another behavior parents should change when their children are young is trying to make things better all the time. Kids should be taught that things aren’t always going to go their way and should learn coping mechanisms to deal with it.
“Helping your kids find things that help them cope, such as reading a book quietly for a short time or finding a favorite toy, will help them manage disappointments later in life,” Collins said.
Older kids, in particular, have a tendency to give on up activities when they don’t make the team or the band or the program they hoped to join.
“What parents need to do in those instances ““ when a teenager wants to give up on something he or she likes and values ““ is to encourage their child to find another outlet,” Collins said. “Let him or her take private music lessons if you’re able, or encourage him or her to play for the local YMCA team. It’s very important not to let kids give up on things that interest them.”
