When you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, you’ll quickly find there is no instruction book. There are, however, some commonly held misconceptions about grief that Liz Youngs, maternal child chaplain for St. Elizabeth Healthcare, wants to dispel.
Youngs’ job is to help families who find themselves in situations of loss. She guides them on their journey, and one thing she does is help them get rid of any unrealistic expectations about the grief process.
“Sometimes people can feel guilty, that they’re not doing things right,” she said. “It’s important for them to know what’s appropriate and what’s realistic.”
Common grief myths
Here are nine widely acknowledged but also widely untrue beliefs about the grief process that Youngs wants you to forget right now:
- All losses are the same.
- It takes two months to get over your grief.
- All bereaved people grieve the same way.
- Grief always declines over time in a steadily decreasing fashion.
- When grief is resolved, it never comes up again.
- Children grieve like adults.
- Expressing feelings that are intense is the same as losing control.
- The intensity and length of your grief are a testimony to your love for the deceased.
- It is not important for you to have social support in your grief.
How do I help someone who is grieving?
The bottom line, Youngs said, is that everyone’s grieving process is unique, and each person will feel grief and express it in his or her own individual way. One of the most helpful things you can do if you’re grieving the loss of a loved one is to seek support.
