You’ve had a few weeks to cope with your empty nest syndrome, but if you’re still struggling, we challenge you to celebrate your empty nest; don’t cope with it.
Deep breath here. Remember:
- You raised them to soar; not be hobbled in the family room.
- Cellphones and a dozen instant photo programs keep them close.
- If it’s a daughter, you’ll check out new friends, her decorated dorm room, outfits and the occasional odd rash.
- If it’s a son, you’ll find joy in his one-word replies to your every five texts.
- They’ll be back.
- Parent weekends. Sure, they only want you to take them to dinner, but it’s a day or two with them and always good for really welcomed hugs.
- Spring/fall breaks. Of course that’s only if they’ve blown their savings and you are immune to their whimpers of “I HAVE to come home?”
- Summer break. It’s restorative for them and you. You stock the house with their favorite foods, their friends return to your couch, and they can’t find anything because “someone” cleaned their room.
OK, I never did the happy dance at the bus stop on the first day of school. First, my neighbors would have stared and, second, my daughter would have posted it on YouTube. Instead, I rushed to work while trying to plan dinner in my head based on whatever looked moderately fresh in the fridge. Or what I could remember.
But packing them off to college was completely different. Instead of coping, I made dinner reservations.
That’s right. When the third child headed out, I stopped going to the grocery and worrying about dinner before my nightly 6 p.m. call to my husband. “What would you like to eat? Chinese, burgers or some place with a nice salad and cocktails?”
- Clean their rooms and leave the doors open. Suddenly, the house looks bigger, more welcoming and it once again resembles the place you fell in love with at the realtor’s open house. Splurge and paint it!
- Stare in admiration at the kitchen: free of clutter and sparkling.
- Read the books you’ve stacked on tables (and even the floor) and play WGUC as loud as you like without comments from the peanut gallery.
- Attack your exercise schedule with the same Napoleonic fervor once reserved for soccer schedules, piano lessons, tennis matches and swim meets.
- Hire someone to clear out the basement. They’ll cart out the sagging bumper pool table and the couches you dared not even donate.
- Make a list of friends you miss and get together for coffee on Saturday mornings.
- Go to the movies you want to see.
- Skip any volunteer involvement that requires attending meetings. You’ve done that. Go for the “one and done” big hits: painting day at a Habitat House or packing emergency boxes at Matthew 25.
- Even a weekend can remind you and your husband that you both enjoy seeing the sights without juggling too many people for a taxi.
- Write to your college kids. A couple of times a week. Postcards, quick notes, a newspaper clipping or a photo of grandma at lunch.
A favorite cousin mailed a letter so it would arrive in my dorm mailbox the second day I was on campus several states away. I still remember that kindness. Your kids will, too. They’ll see the Facebook post; but they’ll save the letters. And, it helps you cope.
